- The office playboy had a date with an attractive young woman. The next day someone asked him how things had gone. "She uses too many four-letter words for me," was the reply. "Really?" "Yes," answered the playboy. "Allevening long she was saying "don't" and "stop" and "quit that."
- Two young and rather attractive nuns were being assigned to a church in a rather seedy neighborhood. The Mother Superior, who was rather concerned for their wellbeing, asked them what they would do is someone apprpoached them and tried to rape them.
"
Well,"
the first one said, "
I have a whistle that makes the loudest noise you've ever heard."
The Mother Superior shook her head.
"
Well,"
the second said, "
I have a can of mace for such an occasion."
Again, the Mother Superior shook her head.
"
Well,"
the first one asked, "
what would you do?"
"
I would tell him to go on and pull his pants down,"
"
What?"
"
You wouldn't?"
"
I would then go ahead and pull up my skirt."
By this time both of the young nuns were almost in tears. "
But why?"
"
Attractive Jokes
Funny Halirous Jokes
Boot It (to the tune of Beat It)
You're processing some words when your keyboard goes dead, Ten pages in the buffer, should have gone to bed, The system just crashed, but don't lose your head, Just BOOT IT, just BOOT IT.
Better think fast, better do what you can, Read the manual or call your system man, Don't want to fall behind in the race with Japan, So BOOT IT,
Get the system manager to
BOOT IT, BOOT IT,
Even though you'd rather shoot it.
Don't be upset, it's only some glitch.
All that you do is flip a little switch.
BOOT IT, BOOT IT,
Get right down and restitute it.
Don't get excited, all is not lost.
CP/M, UNIX or MS/DOS
Just BOOT IT, boot it, boot it, boot it...
You gotta have your printout for the meeting at two, The system says your jobs at the head of the queue, Right then the thing dies but you know what to do, BOOT IT.
You always get so worried when the system runs slow, And when it finally crashes, man you feel so low, But computers make mistakes (they're only human you know) So BOOT IT, Call the local guru to
BOOT IT, BOOT IT,
Go ahead re-institute it.
If you're not lucky, get the book off the shelf, But if you are, it'll do it itself.
BOOT IT, BOOT IT!
You're processing some words when your keyboard goes dead, Ten pages in the buffer, should have gone to bed, The system just crashed, but don't lose your head, Just BOOT IT, just BOOT IT.
Better think fast, better do what you can, Read the manual or call your system man, Don't want to fall behind in the race with Japan, So BOOT IT,
Get the system manager to
BOOT IT, BOOT IT,
Even though you'd rather shoot it.
Don't be upset, it's only some glitch.
All that you do is flip a little switch.
BOOT IT, BOOT IT,
Get right down and restitute it.
Don't get excited, all is not lost.
CP/M, UNIX or MS/DOS
Just BOOT IT, boot it, boot it, boot it...
You gotta have your printout for the meeting at two, The system says your jobs at the head of the queue, Right then the thing dies but you know what to do, BOOT IT.
You always get so worried when the system runs slow, And when it finally crashes, man you feel so low, But computers make mistakes (they're only human you know) So BOOT IT, Call the local guru to
BOOT IT, BOOT IT,
Go ahead re-institute it.
If you're not lucky, get the book off the shelf, But if you are, it'll do it itself.
BOOT IT, BOOT IT!
Funny racist jokes
"What is the best way to circumcize a redneck?
kick his sister in the jaw"
"What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan"
"How many Mexicans does it take to roof a house?
8 if you slice them thin enough."
"What do you call a black guy driving a black Cadillac?
Black power.
What do you call a white guy driving a white Cadillac?
White power.
What do you call a Puerto Rican guy driving a blue Cadillac?
Grand Theft Auto."
"What do you call 2 blacks in a sleeping bag?
Twix"
"Why do racists carry chainsaws?
Because they go run nigga nigga nigga nigga"
"How do you blindfold an Asian?
With dental floss. "
"An Asian man walked into the currency exchange in New York City with 2000 yen and walked out with $72.
The following week, he walked in with 2000 yen, and was handed $66.
He asked the teller why he got less money that week than the previous week.
The teller said, "Fluctuations."
kick his sister in the jaw"
"What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan"
"How many Mexicans does it take to roof a house?
8 if you slice them thin enough."
"What do you call a black guy driving a black Cadillac?
Black power.
What do you call a white guy driving a white Cadillac?
White power.
What do you call a Puerto Rican guy driving a blue Cadillac?
Grand Theft Auto."
"What do you call 2 blacks in a sleeping bag?
Twix"
"Why do racists carry chainsaws?
Because they go run nigga nigga nigga nigga"
"How do you blindfold an Asian?
With dental floss. "
"An Asian man walked into the currency exchange in New York City with 2000 yen and walked out with $72.
The following week, he walked in with 2000 yen, and was handed $66.
He asked the teller why he got less money that week than the previous week.
The teller said, "Fluctuations."
Funny Jokes SMS
Unit to measure love friendship & trust
Loading ...Why We Have Units To Measure
Weight, Height & Distance
But
Not Love, Friendship & Trust?
.
Boy Thought For A While
.
.
.
Took Her In His Arms,
Looked Deep In Her Eyes & Said
Look, DON'T Eat My Brain!
I Have Already Failed In Physics :p:D
Reason for girls to live longer
Why Girls Live Longer Than Boys?
.
.
.
.
Scientific Studies Have Proved That
.
.
.
"SHOPPING"
Never Causes HEART ATTACKS, But,
.
"PAYING The "BILLS" Does
Beware of unknown number
Unknown No.1Hi,Do u have a boyfriend?
Girl:Yes.Who are you?
It's your dad, be home this weekend, and we will talk!
Unknown No.2
Hi do you have a boyfriend?
Girl:Not a chance,who are you anyway?
It's your bf,sucks to know that you are not proud to be with me and be your bf:(
Girl:Sorry babe,I thought u r my dad, he texted me a while back asking the same question
Yes,it's me, your dad.We'll have a long talk this weekend!
Jokes
- Jeeto & Preeto were talking about their new milkman.Jeeto: He's very good looking, punctual & dresses so smartly.
And so quickly too!, said Preeto While walking in the highlands Santa fell down a deep hole.
Banta: R u ok?
Santa: Yeah!
Banta: Did u break anything?
Santa: No, there's nothing down here
- Sardar to Girlfriend= Darling main tum (In URDU)
Sardar to Girlfriend= Darling main tum se shaadi nahi karsakta gharwale mana karrahe hai. Girlfriend= Tumhare ghar me kaun kaun hai. Sardar= 1 biwi aur 3 bacche. - Laloo bada chalak hai (in URDU)
Laloo bada chalak hai
Nau baccho ka bap hai
Laloo bada nirala he
dasva ane wala he...
ye andar ki baat hai
isme Vajpayee ka hat hai.. - One day Santas Girlfriend asks him,
One day Santas Girlfriend asks him, Darling, om our Engagement will you give me a RING?Santa:Ya sure, Give me ur Telephone No.
Long Funny Jokes for entertainment
1st Blonde jokes
Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead and one's a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, ''Ready! Aim!'' Suddenly the brunette yells, ''EARTHQUAKE!!!'' Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes. The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no and the executioner shouts, ''Ready! Aim!'' Suddenly the redhead yells, ''TORNADO!!!'' Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes. By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, Ready! Aim!'' and the blonde yells, ''FIRE!!!'''
2nd Yo momma jokes
Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock.
3rd Birthday jokesA man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?" She said, "I'd love to be ten again." On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park - the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. She had a go on every ride there was. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach turning. Then off to a movie theater, popcorn, cola and sweets. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed. Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?" One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually, honey, I meant dress size!" |
Good funny jokes for everyone
Bhikhari: Behanji 1 rupiya dedo.
Malika gave him 1000 Rs.
Secretary: Why u gave him 1000 Rs..?
Malika: Pehli bar kisine behan kaha!
Ek chor amir aadmi ke ghar mein chori karne gaya. Tijori pe likha tha “Tijori ko todne ki jaroorat nahi hai, 452 number press karke sahmne vala lal batan dabao, tijori khul jayegi. Jaise hi batan daba alarm baja aur police aa gayi.”
Jate jate chor seth se bola: Aaj mera insaaniyat se vishwas uth gaya hai!
Rabri : Ka karat ho?
Laalu : Ek dost ko chitthi likhat hu!
Rabri : Par tuhar likhna to aawe nahi.
Laalu : Vo sasura bhi to padhna nahi jaanat
